Evil Bible Lessons

Though it is possible to be evil without a god telling you to act that way, it is shocking how much evil Yahweh and Jesus demand of their believers.

Why couldn’t an all-knowing God have replaced any one of these passages with something constructive? A recipe for a vaccine or an antibiotic would have been far better than any of these disgraceful injunctions:

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GOD SAID: CUT OFF YOUR WIFE’S HAND IF SHE TOUCHES ANOTHER MAN’S PENIS
“If men get into a fight with one another, and the wife of one intervenes to rescue her husband from the grip of his opponent by reaching out and SEIZING HIS GENITALS, you shall cut off her hand; show no pity.” – (DEUT. 25:11)
Show no pity? Wow. Right?

 

WOMEN MUST NOT BE DISTRACTED BY LARGE PENISES
“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” (Ezekiel 23:20)

JESUS: FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES BUT KILL MINE! 
“Jesus said, “But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them–bring them here and KILL THEM IN FRONT OF ME.’” – Jesus (Luke 19:27)

GOD SAYS: SAVE THE PRETTY SLAVES FOR SEX
“When you go out to war… if you see a pretty woman among the enslaved and become so enamored of her….you may take her home….you may have relations with her.” (Deuteronomy 21:10-14)

GOD: GRAB ALL THE VIRGINS AS YOUR SEXUAL CONQUEST
The Lord said, “but save FOR YOURSELVES every girl who has never slept with a man.” (Numbers 31:18)

JESUS: “I DON’T WANT PEACE – I WANT TO BURN UP THE WORLD!”
“I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But….what constraint I am under! Do you think I came to bring peace on Earth? No…but division!” – Jesus (Luke 12:49-51)

GOD: KILL FOR ME. I LIKE TO WATCH
‘Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt-offering to me on one of the mountains that I shall show you.’ (Genesis 22:2)

GOD: FATHERS MUST BURN DAUGHTERS TO DEATH AS HONOR KILLINGS
“And the daughter…if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.” (Leviticus 21:9)
Isn’t pride a sin? Isn’t killing a sin?
Nope. Both are commands of god.

 

GOD: IF YOU LOST YOUR PENIS YOU MUST NOT GO TO CHURCH
“He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his penis cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 23:1)

GOD: ‘I HATE DEFORMED PEOPLE’
“For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken. No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.” (Leviticus 21:18-21)

GOD SAYS: ‘KILL INNOCENT CHILDREN JOYFULLY’
“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.” (Psalm 137:9)

 

JESUS: LOVE ME SO THAT YOU HATE LOVED ONES
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his or her father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters–yes, even their own life–such a person cannot be my disciple.” – Jesus (Luke 14:26)

GOD COMMANDS RAPING AND STEALING
“Lo, a day shall come FOR THE LORD when the spoils shall be divided in your midst. And I will gather all the nations against Jerusalem for battle: the city shall be taken, houses plundered, WOMEN RAVISHED; half of the city shall go into exile, but the rest of the people shall not be removed from the city.” (Zechariah 14:1-2)

JESUS: GOD AND I AGREE ON EVERYTHING!
“Jesus answered them, ‘I and My Father are one.’ ” (John 10:30-33)

JESUS : ‘BUY SWORDS’ TO PREPARE FOR BATTLE WITH THE ROMANS
“Then said Jesus unto them, ‘But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.” – (Luke 22:36-37)

GOD IS WEAK – MANY THINGS ARE IMPOSSIBLE.
God cannot get past iron chariots.
“And the Lord…could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.” — (Judges 1:19)

 

OFFER YOUR WOMAN TO BE RAPED
“So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, ‘Get up; let’s go.’ But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.” (Judges 19:25-28)
Jesus “could not do any miracles there…” – (Mark 6:5)

 

GOD WANTS YOU TO KILL FOR HIM
The Lord is speaking to Abraham:
‘Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt-offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you.’ (Genesis 22:2)